I’m frustrated that I don’t understand WHY I honestly chose to waste two hours of my life this week and watch the ABC show, The Bachelorette.
In my defense, I don’t watch it because I’m hoping people find love. The idea of that is preposterous, though I have been heard saying things like, “Oh, looks like someone has chemistry with the beefy entrepreneur.” With each passing minute of the show, I’m left fascinated by the way these people interact. I watch it as a detached observer of human behavior, even though I occasionally do get choked up. Let’s just say my best excuse is that the show’s location this week was in Prague and I’m always excited to see that amazing city on a television show.
During each commercial break, I sat in shock and become more confused by the people on this show. They’re always talking about “letting their walls down,” and being “open to love.” What are these “walls” that they have? Why so closed off, people? Is having walls and not being open a thing that only hot people do? If I had all these walls they speak of, I would have no friends. Are they basically just fake weirdos who never let anyone see them for who they are until they get on a television show and decide to finally be themselves? This is infuriating.
Even more annoying to me is that they’ll often say, “I think I’m beginning to fall in love with you,” or “I’m totally open to falling in love with you.” How many fake stages of pre-love do these people have? You’re either falling in love or you’re not. There’s no status between standing still and falling. “I’m ready to let myself fall in love with you.” WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? That statement means absolutely nothing. Do they go to the grocery store and tell the clerk, “I can feel myself getting ready to pay for this cantaloupe.” Stop being so weird, and just tell someone that you’re falling in love with them! “I think I might be ready to begin considering drying up the emotional moat that surrounds my heart and then entering the 17 digit combination that opens it so that maybe, just maybe, I can let some love inside.” Might I suggest that you’ve all been listening to too many Adele songs? It’s really not that dangerous out there. Or maybe it is now, I don’t know, I’ve been off the market for a few months.
To me, the most ridiculous thing is how the bachelorette seems to be constantly talking about whether the guys on the show have her back. “Y’all, I need to know that my future husband will always have my back.” Why does she need someone to have her back? Is she in some sort of trouble? I love my boyfriend, and while I would certainly have his back if he ever needed me to, he’s never needed me to because we’re normal people. If you need a husband that has your back, maybe you should stop doing business with the Russian Mob or whatever it is that’s gotten you into so much trouble. Do you want a bodyguard? Maybe you just need a regular husband and then a whole different person who runs your security detail.
Am I just naive, or are these people INSANE???