toys that drove me to drink

I had this Snoopy snow cone machine as a kid…

You stuck ice cubes in the roof and then pushed on Snoopy’s ass to hold the ice cubes in while turning this hand crank on the side of the dog house to shred the ice cube.

It took fifty ice cubes to get like, ONE friggen cup of “flakes” and by the time you even GOT to that point, the first ice cube flakes melted.

So you just kept cranking the damn handle until you had blisters and a cup of water.

I think my mom bought it to make me crazy. I hated that stupid Snoopy snow cone maker.

More like a glorified water fountain.

Anyone remember the Speak & Spell?

If not, consider yourself lucky. This toy was created by Texas Instruments in the late 70s. It went through several redesigns, but the basic idea remained the same: in a British-ish accent, the toy would ask you how to spell a word. You’d type it in, and the toy would tell you if you were correct or wrong. Sounds fun right?

WRONG.

The problem was in the CREEPY British voice. That damn thing still haunts me from time to time. But someone out there must have loved it. Depeche Mode named an album after the toy and ET chose it to “call home” with. If you’re still intrigued, the comedian Dane Cook does a great job of explaining it.

 And DON’T EVEN get me started with this guy.

Yeah, yeah he’s suppose to be your best friend. Try having your mother place him on a shelf in your room only to wake up in the middle of the night to see him staring at you.

Look at those eyes.

Something ain’t right with that bear my friends….

Excuse me as I go fill up my whiskey glass.

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2 thoughts on “toys that drove me to drink

  1. Nancy Gorrell says:

    Max eviscerated one of Anne’s dolls to see what made it talk, I THINK with her permission. It was probably a collector’s item we found at the flea market which had dark eyeshadow and a madras dress and said “Scooby dooby doo” and other Beatnik things. One of Anne’s friends had an astonishing doll which, when fed green stuff, pooped out brown stuff! All the kids in the neighborhood trooped down to see this phenomenon when she received it.

  2. Jim Maddox says:

    And to think, that I bought most of these for you. I thought I was the only one that was driveb to drink.

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