about a girl

I was recently part of a conversation full of people I had never met until this particular evening. Usually these events excite me as I thrive on meeting new people and networking. But this night I was feeling a bit insecure and continually felt the need to fade into the corners of the room. God knew. And he knew that wasn’t what I truly desired. I wanted to remain vulnerable and transparent no matter what I was feeling.

The group played a game. Create a list of nouns, verbs, adjectives and a quick definition of WHO you are. We were given only 2 minutes to come up with something. This exercise was EXACTLY what I needed at that moment. Here’s what I shared:

Nouns: 28. peacemaker. cupcakes. green. optimist. writer. pearls: strings & wisdom. lover of wide open spaces and little blessings. advocate. peanut butter & banana sandwiches. overachiever. whiskey drinker. New York Times. novels. junior mints. Believer. heart. cowboy boots enthusiast. Texas. dreamer. Flower Child. tea. stories. musicality. agape.

Adjectives: kind. passionate. determined. aware. sarcastic. concise. queasy. opinionated. sweet. inspired. spiritual. spunky.

Verbs: To love; to write; to seek; to show compassion; to know; to change; to adore; to dance; to think; to giggle; to unearth; to provoke; to drink deeply of all in life; to bake; to treasure; to tell; to understand; to BE.

Definition: I used to admire fashion designers and stopped to ask God often, why did you make me a writer instead of a seamstress? For I want to be able to create a piece that can speak out loud to the world and hang from the shoulders and waists of elegant people. I want so badly to mix silk and satin, beads and pearls.  I wanted my days to be centered on creating Something beautiful. Something wonderful.

However, I learned with age and experience that I am already a designer. A creator. A maker. I am a weaver of sentences, a seamstress of stories. I create the hemlines to a plot, the V-necks to a poem, the ruffles in a romance. When the last period has found its home at the end of a sentence, I have made something that can resonate to the world like a fine piece of clothing. The gift to my work is that it cannot be felt on the body in the same way silk feels to fingers; It can be felt in the soul. I can read a sewn together sentence over and over again and bring it everywhere with me, like my leather bag or over-sized Audrey Hepburn sunglasses. I can take words and allow them to seep into my being and then use the passion behind them to do unto others in this world that needs more love.

That is more blessed than the most timeless of fashion pieces.

I can give to others what I sew upon my own heart.


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