Did you know the word ‘fork’ comes from the Latin furca, meaning “pitchfork”?
Or that the earliest forks usually had only two tines?
Or how bout the fact that bone forks have been found in ancient burial sites and Chinese dynasties’ tombs?
No? None of that is something you already knew? Or wanted to know? Well, I was spontaneously educated on the invention and history of forks when I went on a date with the man who invented forks…or at least he knew too damn much about them.
I was excited when I showed up at the restaurant because the first date had gone seemingly well. No crazy stories, no unusual habits or reason for me to believe mental illness or a parole officer was present. But there’s a strange phenomena that seems to happen on 87% of my second dates: the man completely changes personalities. On the first date he’s polite, funny, intelligent, all roads point to “this guy is worth seeing again out in public.” But for some strange unknown reason the second date can be more horrific. And in this case, that was definitely true.
So my date and I sat down for dinner and immediately I noticed he was not as outgoing as the last time I saw him…just a few days before. He was nervous. Really nervous. He had a difficult time choosing a beverage and then kept asking if he had ordered the right thing. For what seemed like an hour, he sat there and stared at me, unable to speak. I got the feeling that this man was terrified of me (and later I came to find out he was in fact “intimidated” by me)
Without warning, he picked up a fork from the table and blurted out “have you ever thought about where forks come from?”
Now, you gotta know that my sarcasm is never tightly reigned in, so my first response was “Why yes, I do. I vaguely remember taking a class in college about “ancient history of kitchen utensils.”
He didn’t seem amused.
So I humored him and said no, I didn’t. He then took the opportunity to share as many facts about forks as he could…all while holding his salad fork in the air as if he had recited an entire presentation. I quickly began to wonder if I should be taking notes. Would there be a pop quiz at the end of the evening? Would this information be useful as part of my escape plan?
After awhile I ordered a second glass of wine and decided to just enjoy the entertainment. I asked specific questions, which he quickly and enthusiastically answered. Unfortunately my sarcasm came back around and caused the evening to end all too soon. Ladies, I have learned that if a man is telling you all about forks, do not, I mean under no circumstance, DO NOT ask him “So what are thoughts about the “spork”? Talking about the recent discovery of making a fork and a spoon one utensil was not okay. It will immediately cause him to realize that you are in fact not the woman for him. ;-)
To this day, I can’t tell you how many times I meet a guy for dinner and immediately look at his fork and laugh. And this crazy, wild adventure continues…