goodbye to fear. hello to love.

It all started with an effen Wham song. Ok, I guess it’s technically just George Michael but still…this was weird.

Last week I was in a place of fear and sadness. I turned on the radio and a few minutes later I hear the words “all we have to do is take these lies and make them truth somehow.” I stopped what I was doing and fell apart. Tears streaming down my face, hands in the air, worshipping God…all while singing along to Freedom ’90. I guess God does work in mysterious ways.

That phrase as well as a few others continued to haunt me for a week.

Taking lies and making them truth somehow…

There’s something deep inside of me. There’s someone else I’ve got to be.

May not be what you want from me. Just the way it’s got to be.

And then I was part of something very simple last night. Something simple yet beautiful. I engaged in a conversation. I was able to give encouragement and hope to my friends. And in turn I received a blessing from them. A blessing to practice love freely. To freely be who I am.

On my way home, I realized: this is what it’s suppose to look like!! Give and take. Giving and receiving within community. Not one person doing all the work. No laziness. No excuses. Just truth and love and the desire to come alongside each other to rejoice or suffer with them.

This morning I woke up and immediately heard God whisper “are you loved?

Why yes, I am!

He then asked “are you practicing that currently?

Yep, I’m trying pretty damn hard to practice giving and receiving love.

Then He said “leave every place where you can’t practice love. Leave everyone who is unwilling to practice with you.

I sighed. Yeah I knew that was coming. My intuition had told me that a few days go and I ignored it.

But I couldn’t hide any more. Not if I was choosing to live out the promises God has given me and the commitments I have made to myself. I had a couple of phone calls to make. A few short emails to write. One difficult face to face meeting. Sadness turned to anger that then turned into resolve. The practice of loving myself is not easy but I’m convinced I can’t fully accept His love or love others completely if I don’t make sure I am loved, in all I do.

Ending friendships in a healthy way is a new experience for me. And all I can say is that it sucks.

Leaving places in my life where I know fear resides is difficult because it provided comfort (even if now I can see that it was false security).

So I’m currently emotionally drained. I’m tired. But I am now free, no longer held back by anything or anyone.

I’m resting in a space of complete love.

No more fear.
No more apathy.
No more believing lies.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

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4 thoughts on “goodbye to fear. hello to love.

  1. Beautiful and oh-so-powerful. My pastor just preached on living the blessed life and spoke about giving out what we receive. Sometimes easier said than done – but we’re supposed to be Jesus for people and Jesus went, did, healed, taught, wept for others.

    Janelle
    GraceTags

  2. Marian says:

    Very beautiful. You are a blessed person Karin, you are conscious of the commands from God which are inevitabley for our own greater good. I believe that if we can be the change that we wish to see in the world, you are well on your well to fulfillment.

    Imagine if we could all want more for others than what we want for ourselves? How the world would be. Remember that God is in everyone & true love is aloowing people to be exactly where they are on their journey. Be an example to others, One droplet of water can cause a ripple effect across an entire ocean.

    God bless. xxx

  3. […] goodbye to fear. hello to love was all about letting go of my controlling ways. It was the beginning of a huge breakthrough for me. […]

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