Lent: 40 days at the cross

Everything I once held dear
I count it all as lost
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
Lead me, lead me to the cross

40 days ago I was living in fear. I was running in the wrong direction. I felt guilty, weary and out of control. 40 days later and I’m a whole new person.

Today, Good Friday, I am in awe of my entire journey through Lent. Each step, each struggle, each time I wrestled with God, I can now look back and see how He was slowly ruining, reshaping and renewing my heart.

For the past 40 days I fasted from sex and music.

I learned to pray and meditate in new ways.

I gave up my selfishness and offered love and healing to those around me.

This is my story of the slow, painful walk back to the cross and the life changing experience I encountered there. For the past 8 years I have walked up to the cross many times. But I’ve always turned and ran away or allowed myself to stay and feel imprisoned. It has continually been a picture of death, destruction and grief for me. What I was missing, the whole point I believe of one’s journey to meet Jesus at the cross, is learning that yes, something must die, but only so something far greater can live and grow.

I had to die to my old ways. I needed to have Him strip away all that I thought would bring me comfort, joy and peace. I surrendered control of all that I had tightly gripped in my hands. A piece of me has “died” over the last 40 days. But the person I am now, the woman I see in the mirror, she has new life. She no longer lives in fear. She pursues wholeness, beauty and love. She speaks truth and extends grace more. She is deeply rooted in Christ and all He offers and no longer looks to anything or anyone else for what only He can provide.

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