darkness

It’s dark. It’s really, really dark. Until now I never understood other people’s fear of being in the dark. But right now, I can’t see anything. I find myself trying to steady my breathing and listen more. It’s as if I am blindfolded and my other senses are heightened to make up for my loss of sight.  Half the time I’m waiting for the enemy to jump out from the corner. The other half I’m waiting for God to rescue me. But I doubt either will happen. I’m doing all I can to keep guard against the enemy’s attacks but I still feel weak. And I know God won’t “save” me from this darkness. As uncomfortable and painful as it is, this is exactly where I need to be.

As I read this poem that was sent to me yesterday, the words pierce me. I feel these words as if I wrote them myself.

My light and my life
provided me hope for a future,
a reason to live
and the strength to exist.

Suddenly extinguished,
taken away without warning.
I was abandoned,
left in the darkness
trying to survive
searching for any glimmer
on the distant horizon.

I stand precariously
on a piece of solid ground
barely large enough for my feet.
Around me, a vast expanse
of desolation and emptiness
for as far as I can tell.

It waits
with extending arms
to engulf and surround me
in a permanent shadow.

I remain tenuously balanced
on this small bit of solid footing
Providing me the last vestiges of hope,
Unsure where to turn
or how to find an escape.

No path in sight,
it has decayed into the abyss.
No light to guide my footsteps,
it has been withdrawn.

In complete blackness
I close my eyes
waiting to fall.

A light appears before me
no,
from within me.

I discover
a brilliance inside
An internal source of strength, power
and illumination.

This force surges through my body
filling me with courage.
I open my eyes once more in the darkness
finally lose my balance,
and descend
into the eternal night.

But in falling, I discover
that I possess wings.

With new courage, my own light,
and wings to save me
from the everlasting darkness
I take flight
high above the waiting chasm
towards a faint glimmer
far on the horizon
and hope.

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