During Lent I wanted to focus on giving more of my time, resources and creative talents to others. I made a list of volunteer opportunities and have been so blessed by each place, each person I’ve encountered by doing this. But I realize at the end of the day, when I go home I’m giving of myself in ways I never dreamed.
You see, I live with friends that have become like family to me. They are married and have a young son. My friend (the husband) was diagnosed with late stage cancer in December. They asked me to move in and help provide support and healing through nutrition. I look back now and can clearly see that God was just using my love of food and cooking as my “in” to provide deeper healing to this family. I have seen love deepen the relationships between all of them and hope continue to be the focus in the midst of the chaos that cancer brings. I’m continually in awe that God placed me in this situation. I’ll fully admit- it’s not easy. Most days I’m on the verge of allowing just the thought of losing my friend to cancer to completely overwhelm me. I wake up most days aware of the sadness and even bitterness that watching someone slowly die can bring up in a person. I lie awake late at night wondering what life will be like without him here. How his wife and young son will live with such a void in their lives. I cry out to God constantly, I yell and fight Him about his choices on how to heal His people. And I rejoice at seeing the ways He’s using this time to remind us that life in short and to not take a second of life for granted.
I know that God is using me in the midst of this to not only provide healing for others but to continue healing my own heart. I experience many emotions these days but I generally end each day in a state of thankfulness and gratitude. I’m right where I’m suppose to be.