Yesterday I woke up in a terrible mood. I had overwhelming feelings of frustration and sadness. And I could not figure out where it was coming from or what triggered these emotions. By the afternoon I was really challenged to choose peace for what feels like the first time in a while. Part of me wanted to fight these feelings of anxiety and part of me wanted to sit alone and let everything just take over. I let myself sit in the midst of it for too long. I almost gave in.
Then I spent some time with good friends last night. People who are life-giving. They bring honesty, joy and encouragement into my life. But I noticed that I still had those feelings I woke up with. I had not conquered it. It was just buried.
I chose to pick up my running shoes and go for a long run late last night. I used to run almost daily but I’ve found that my favorite time is when it’s raining. There’s a feeling of freedom I get when I’m able to cry while in the rain and let go of any hurt or fear I’m experiencing. There is something very cleansing about being outdoors running with no one else around and just letting go of all the shit from the day…all while it rains.
Rain mixed with tears.
Halfway through my run, I found myself longing for a renewal of sorts. Rain is cleansing. Tears are cleansing. While the rain continued and the tears streamed down my face, I whispered, Jesus bring the rain. Because after the sky clears and the sun shines again, we see beauty that only comes from brokenness, change that pushes us toward growth and a reliance on the Almighty God.