Lent: fasting from sex

When I first began thinking of what I would give up for Lent many things came to mind. Wine? Chocolate? Television? But none of these things keep me away from God or take my focus off of Him. I had to ask the questions “what blinds me to what God is doing in my life?”and “when I can’t feel God’s presence where or what do I turn to for comfort?”

Sex and music.

Today I’ll share about my fast from sex. As a single Christian woman I’m aware and prepared for the questions and even judgment that may come my way because I choose to share this honestly. All I can say to anyone looking to criticize is Bring it on. :-)

I enjoy sex. And I’m unapologetic for it. I don’t shy away from conversations about sexuality and in future blog posts I hope to share more about God redeeming my sexuality and overcoming abuse.

Let me first just state that I normally do not share anything about my relationships on my blog but I have gotten permission to share this particular story.

Here’s why I’m fasting from sex: Earlier this year I began a new dating relationship. We quickly began spending a significant amount of time with each other after initially meeting. We met several of each other’s friends and even family members. We had deep discussions about life, our careers, faith and future. The discussion of a long-term relationship and marriage even happened. And because of all of these things, we both were under the false sense that there was an emotional intimacy that had been built. And when you feel an emotional bond with someone you only want to move forward. Naturally when two people feel love toward each other they want to make love with each other right?

So we had sex. And enjoyed it. And saw absolutely no reason to stop. But God seemed to have other plans as He often does… While on an overnight trip together God whispered a simple question to me Do you want love or lust? I thought about it and answered honestly: “um, both. I want both.” God says “No. You have to choose. Love or lust?”

I chose lust.

About a week later God annoyingly shows up again and says What do you know about my love? What do you know about lust? I responded knowing that God’s love is extravagant, eternal, unconditional and completely fulfilling. And lust is temporary. Fun…but temporary.

I knew in that moment by choosing lust I had taken my focus off of God and what He wanted for me. I also realized that important conversations with the man I was dating had basically ceased to exist. We weren’t trying to deepen that emotional intimacy we thought we had. We were too focused on being physically intimate. There wasn’t time for conversation anymore. We bought into a lie. The lie being that we could use sex in lieu of communication.

It took a few more days after that last wakeup call from God before we realized that we were never going to have the relationship each of us wanted or more importantly what God wanted for us. It was devastating. By not inviting God into the conversation about our relationship, but trusting our own feelings and not the facts, we took something that could have been wonderful and cheapened it. I was personally afraid to ask God his opinion on sex because I had been taught from an early age that God was a prude and sent us straight to hell if we had sex (a big shout out goes to a high number of Texas Southern Baptist churches for this)

Last week I told Jesus I want a God directed and God centered relationship with a man. But I also want sex.

Jesus hasn’t responded yet.

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16 thoughts on “Lent: fasting from sex

  1. Sophie says:

    thanks for your honesty. I couldn’t just read this and not comment, i was drawn to your title….I just want you to know I think you are a really cool gal :-)

  2. Grace says:

    Keep writing girl! Let’s make sure song #4 is sexy! lol

    love ya,
    Grace

  3. Nik says:

    How did you become so honest??? I’m happy you are sharing the story, well at least the beginning of it. ;-)

  4. Cyrus says:

    You did what? Jesus tells you crazy shit sometimes doesn’t he? Well alright then. Hey we loved having you in LA yesterday. You are welcome here anytime but you got to have a new song for every trip you make.

    -Cy

  5. Servus Inutilis says:

    Very interesting, useful and honest article… But I am afraid that your last paragraph is like to say that you want a coffee with a lot of sugar, caramel, cream, nuts, vanilla ice cream, chocolate liquor and… yes, and one boiled sheep’s head in the cup, please.
    I know, we live in age of combinations, we are obsessed with compromises, with halfways. But it is impossible to make a compromise between “yes” and “no”. Some things are uncombinable (see Relevations 3:16)…

  6. raquela1 says:

    Great timing…actually, everything I seem to have “accidentally” found tonight online, on blogs, and through song, has been exactly what I needed to read/hear. Interesting how God responds when we ask to see the relief from suffering. A good part of it was answered, for me, by reading your post. Thanks for sharing the personal stuff.

  7. […] recently blogged about my fast from sex. Today I want to share a little more about fasting from […]

  8. You are a very talented blogger, and I really love reading your posts.

  9. […] in tomorrow for more of my thoughts. And if you want to see where this all began for me, go here) GA_googleAddAttr("AdOpt", "1"); GA_googleAddAttr("Origin", "other"); […]

  10. […] the past 40 days I fasted from sex and […]

  11. […] fasted from sex during Lent. And after Easter came and went, I began to look back and question what the purpose of […]

  12. […] I am already aware of this: Lent is not really about sacrifice or deprivation. Yep, I said it.  Last year I chose to enter into the season of Lent with the desire to refocus my life and get closer to […]

  13. […] the most viewed and most shared post of this year is hands down….my post during Lent about fasting from sex. Regardless of all the criticism and questioning I received, I still stand by my words, my story […]

  14. Ceecee says:

    I just came across this story and darn it’s about me. Thank you for this blog. Imbstarting this tomorrow.

  15. Brit says:

    NO Judgment. I can relate! I love the honest. That was a great way to close the blog!

  16. msking73 says:

    I am currently fasting from sex myself i feel i can be closer to God by not having sex until i feel i am ready to get married again i might not every keep a man lol but i will having a fulfilling relationship with my Father in heaven. Thanks for sharing your story

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