this uncomfortable space

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It’s all over. And yet it’s just beginning…

For the past week I’ve had this sense of unease, excitement, hope and unknown… all of it just under the surface waiting to burst free. I feel like I’m on the verge of something incredible, huge, NEW; something I’m not quite ready for. Or am I?

In the last week I’ve felt this desire to live better, deeper and fuller. I’ve been in almost nonstop prayer and communication with Jesus, trying to figure out what it’s all about. And I still have no idea. I can’t help but imagine what’s in store for this new space in my life. Where God is leading me. I don’t know what has caused it. I’m almost sure that my life is going to radically shift soon. I know I have a deep desire, a craving like never before, for meaningful and authentic community.

It’s hard to share or even understand something that doesn’t exist yet. It’s that feeling of having something on the tip of your tongue, but you just can’t spit it out into a coherent thought. It’s like an idea that hasn’t taken shape yet. But the Lord is stirring the Spirit within me. He’s trying to tell me something, shape me into something, move me into a new space in life. But what IS it???  This has happened before and big things have happened in response. Like moving to Prague kinda stuff. The question I’m begging Jesus to answer is: What ARE you doing? And I’m really trying not to ask it too often. Every other hour of the day seems like a good balance, right? I’m trying to allow myself in the midst of the quiet, the uncomfortable stillness, to just listen. I’m standing at the fork in the road, completely silent waiting to hear the direction to move in.  I have NO idea what God is doing. I have absolutely no clue what this God-dreamed journey and stirring deep within my heart is, or where its going to take me. I’m just thankful that He’s moving me in a new direction. I’m not sitting in a comfortable place just surviving. I’m thriving and moving forward. That I am sure of. I am beyond thankful that He is faithful to me and knows me well enough to deal with any anxiety or worry I may have. I’m grateful He leads me and guides my every step and He’s gracious to me when I fight back like a small child.

Romans 8:15  The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.”

 

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