Texas Talk

As a woman I’ve learned, you know you’ve got Southern blood if:

  • One of the worst days of your life revolved around something that happened to your hair.
  • You can apply lipstick without looking in a mirror.
  • You have at least five recipes that call for cream of mushroom soup.
  • You know the power of a pucker. Whether it’s a kiss or a pout, you know how to make it work to your advantage.
  • You have at least one deviled egg platter.
  • Your personal thank you notes are engraved and scented.
  • Your mama has taken to her bed because you dated “that boy from that family.”
  • Your Mamaw can bake/sing/quilt better than anyone else you know.
  • You sigh deeply before you tell a story about your mama.
  • You’re older than 30 and you still call him ”daddy.”
  • You know that collard greens taste better than they smell while cooking.

Southern sayings:

“Be sweet.”
”sitting up with the dead”
”coming up a cloud”
”Bless your heart”
“pitch a conniption fit.”
“it’s catawampus!”
“Good Lawd!”
“darn tootin’ ”
“fit as a fiddle”
“Don’t you make eyes at me, boy!”
“around the holler”
“over yonder”
“I’ll be back directly”

Crazy Texas laws:

  1. Owners of horses may not ride them at night without tail lights.
  2. You can ride your horse in the saloon.
  3. It is illegal to urinate on the Alamo.
  4. It is illegal to take more than three swallows of beer while standing.
  5. Beer may not be purchased after midnight on a Sunday, but it may be purchased on Monday.
  6. Wire cutters can not be carried in your pocket.
  7. It is illegal to milk another person’s cow.
  8. It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.
  9. It is illegal to drive without windshield wipers. You don’t need a windshield, but you must have the wipers.

God Bless Texas!


One thought on “Texas Talk

  1. Kristin says:

    Correction to “I’ll be back directly.” It is actually, “I’ll be back drectly.” No i!
    And I am very adept at Pout!

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