Confessions 3: Fear

Satan uses two weapons to destroy our faith: fear and familiarity.  Hmmm…interesting hearing that the other day as I have just acknowledged my own fear, of the familiar. :)

In the spirit of confession, I’ll share that I have had a fear of marriage and relationships in general for quite a few years. I was recently confronted by this and had to stop and ask myself the question “What am I afraid of?”, “What is the root of this fear?” After taking a hard look at myself, I can now see that I am afraid of future relationships based on what I have seen and experienced in past relationships. Fear of the familiar.

I don’t like feeling vulnerable or out of control. Actually, let me rephrase that entirely- I like to be in control, I am a control freak. It’s something that I have been working on for about two years now but it’s funny that just when we think we’ve taken care of a problem, God quickly reminds us that there is still work to be done. When you’re through changing, you’re through. And I don’t want to be “through”.

I’m quickly learning that once you confess something out loud, it forces you to deal with the problem. You can’t go around it, you have to go through it. I’m face to face with a truly scary reality and as much as I want to confront it head on, I allow the enemy to keep me from fighting. I “what if” the situation and all that I have done in the past to avoid it. I find myself focusing on what COULD have happened (good or bad) and not on what actually DID happen.  Hindsight, huh? Yeah, I hate it too.

Here’s what I’m trusting in today: Our faith needs to be based on who God is and not what God does (or doesn’t do). I can’t live in fear or as though I can control all circumstances around me. At least six times in the New Testament, Jesus says “Do not worry”. I’ve got to move forward, facing forward.

Remember who the REAL enemy is: Ephesians 6:12-18 “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.”

Alright God, here it is. The good, bad and really ugly. I can’t hold on to it any longer. Take and do as you will…


One thought on “Confessions 3: Fear

  1. […] realized that I have to fully receive and claim the love of God before I can give it to others. My recent post about fear of the familiar was really about my acceptance of love in my life. Choosing to be loved […]

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