Okay, so I must apologize. I have promised to discuss my thoughts on many things lately, including faith and politics, book reviews and my journey through Lent and the Artist’s Way and haven’t really followed through on any of them. Honestly, I just haven’t felt like it yet. I have realized that God is wanting me to rest and prepare for the next phase of my life. I feel like some big changes are in the near future for me and I’m taking some time to relax because I have NO idea what God’s going to do! It’s exciting, and a bit scary.
What I do want to briefly (because its almost 2am already!) is share what I’m praying for and hopefully some changes I’ll be making soon.
First, I found that when I arrived back in the states after a year in another culture, I discovered that everything seemed similar yet I didn’t quite fit back into to my previous life. I have changed in so many ways over the last 15 months since leaving Sacramento for Prague! I left my comfort zone and found a new comfort in Prague. Returning to Sac has been fun for the past week but also difficult. Where do I belong? What does God want me to do during this time here? How can I use what I’ve learned for His glory??
The other night I had an unexpected prayer burst out of me:
“Dear God, Please mess up my life. Thanks, Kara”
That was all. A simple yet strange prayer (especially for me). The next day my conversations with God went something like this:
9am- “Okay Lord, I need you to show me how to live in this place again. But God I desire something different. I want more. I want to be around people and in places that make me uncomfortable. I need to experience more than just church, family and all that is easy to surround myself with. Give me opportunities to be bold and scared and desiring to have faith in the sometimes impossible with You. I don’t want to be safe anymore.”
4pm-“So God I’ve been thinking and…I realize I have no job, no income, little savings currently for use, and lots of unexpected opportunities all leading me in different directions. I think I need to step back and think about that prayer I prayed earlier. Yeah, let’s wait and come back to that later.”
11pm- “Never mind. Forgive me. Do as you wish. I need to stop chiming in on your plan.”
Fast forward to this evening (Tuesday). I attended the bible study I was a part of for 5 years before moving to Prague. This group has changed in some ways including different people, yet it felt comfortable coming back. Our discussion tonight however was not comfortable for me. It was all about giving to others and finding how we display/live out our faith in Christ daily. A few people mentioned ideas on ways to give to others, thoughts on unconditional love and how we live everyday as a follower of Christ’s. I had the reoccurring thought that God wants me to be uncomfortable. To do things I normally would not do. To rely on him in new ways. Driving home, I made some goals for the next few months:
1. Every week I am going to do at least one thing that scares me. 2. I am going to spend more time getting to know people that I wouldn’t usually hang out with. People that are different from me and will challenge me. 3. I want to volunteer and share my experiences from Prague and beyond with local youth- to help get them out of their comfort zones as well.
I really pray that God gives me the courage and continued motivation to seek Him and grow deeper in my understanding of my own faith and how that affects my daily life.
So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus.