In the quest of becoming more authentic and trying to understand what true incarnational community looks like, I’ve realized I need to start looking inward more than outward (as I have most of my life thus far).
I’ve been back in the U.S. for a month now and quite frankly it’s been a difficult transition. I find myself being upset or annoyed over the smallest changes and rolling my eyes at American conveniences. The other day my brother and I were driving around Houston, shopping and we drove into a parking lot. He drove around looking for the closest parking space to the front of the store. I finally made him let me out and I walked. Oh yeah, it took him another 10 minutes to find a parking space. Things like this frustrate me, or when I see people going through drive-thru restaurants. Can’t people sit down and eat together and enjoy a meal or do we only give ourselves time to slow down, grab a meal through a tiny window and go on to the next thing of the day??
I learned during my time in Prague to slow down, enjoy simple things like sharing a meal with friends, hanging out with my friend’s children and families. For the past month I’ve found this more difficult to do and instead of blaming general society or the people directly around me, I’ve begun asking myself- “What’s REALLY going on?”
I’m not sure how I fit back into America yet. I’m not completely sure I want to. I really miss Prague, the people, the places, even the things that use to bug me. The only thing I don’t really miss is the foreign police and the sandpaperish toilet paper. I am scared that it’s going to take longer than I want to get back to Prague. I miss my students terribly and fear for a few of them. I feel a huge burden lifted since I left the CAI team and still trying to work through my hurt and disappointment of that experience. I desire to grow and see God in new ways during this time of transition. I wonder why I’ve gained another five pounds this past month. I am excited to share about what God is doing in the Czech Republic with people here in the States and find myself telling complete strangers about my future ministry! I’m still scared of being vulnerable but realize that I need to give myself completely (not hidden) in all my relationships. Oh yeah, those five pounds is from eating out four times a day.