“The true value of a human being can be found in the degree to which he has attained liberation from the self.” -Albert Einstein
For most of my life I have struggled with the thoughts and attitudes of trying to act normal. Achieving normalcy. Trying not be stand out and not allowing my true self to be shown in fear that others will deem me crazy.
Well folks, I’m over that now. After 25 years the mask is off and I am feeling now more than ever the need to be truly authentic. I recently finished a book called Changes that Heal. It’s a great read for those of us needing help with bonding and setting boundaries with others. My favorite line in the whole book is this: “Redemption reverses the effects of the Fall.” Redemption brings us back to where we were intended to be. Christ made us in His image, in a purposeful way and we screwed it up. Now, our whole lives are spent struggling just to get back to where we were suppose to be! No wonder acting normal doesn’t feel natural, it’s not suppose to be!! This thought has brought so much freedom to my life over the last month. I feel truly free to be the person God created me to be, without hesitation, without remorse. I will never be normal and that’s okay!
So in the spirit of being authentic, here are some things about me that you probably don’t know:
-I’m pretty sure I have a small case of ADD.
-I’m complete sure I have a bigger case of OCD most days (just ask my roommate!)
-I am afraid to get married. I am afraid of losing a spouse like my father lost my mother.
-I have been researching adoption for the past two years.
-I can’t drive a manual car. I wish I could.
-After 11 years of dancing as a child, I quit. Although I resented my mother for a long time for keeping me in dance classes, I really regreat quitting. I want to share taking classes again.
-I have been jealous of other artists and their successes.
-I have no idea what will happen in the next year. And it terrifies me.
Thanks for listening to my heart.
Kara Bess Helena Oszustowicz Maddox (yep, that’s my full Polish name!)