confessions of a control freak

“Sometimes it seems like our journey as believers in Christ is characterized by our ability to let go of things that we were never in control of in the first place. Yet scripture encourages us to hold on firmly to our faith. Ironically, we are unable to accomplish either goal in our own strength.”

I’m a control freak. Those that know me well will not be suprised by this confession. It’s not like I’ve finally discovered this. I’ve known for a long time. The difference now is that I am ready to let go and change this about myself. There have been countless times in the last few weeks where God has clearly been trying to show me how unhealthy it is. I’ve been almost bargaining with God lately, and it disgusts me. Why is it so hard to completely surrender to Christ? I actually have an easier time letting go of my own desires and plans. It’s my family and those around me that I can’t seem to surrender to Him. I pray for my brothers daily. I pray that they see God working in their lives and respond to what they see. I am constantly telling God what He needs to do in their lives, like He doesn’t already have a plan. Hey, I just like to make suggestions okay, being a team player and all. Now being thousands of miles away from family I have realized that there is no better time than to surrender all of my relationships to Christ. Whatever He does, I will rejoice in. Whatever He chooses not to do (even at my pleading) I will be content. 

“Show me thy ways, O Lord; Teach me thy paths. Lead me in the truth and teach me; For thou art the God of my salvation; On thee do I wait all the day.”   (Psalm 25:4)

And the journey continues…


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