Is it age or maturity? Maybe a little of both for me. I find myself at a time in my life when I am searching to be a human “being,” not just a human “doing.”
From dawn to dusk, all day, everyday I am going, going, going — and doing, doing, doing.
It’s rare that I am just “being.” It’s rare that I feel comfortable just being. It’s incredibly difficult at times for me to just be.
I’m on a journey…
I am searching for a way to be more of a human “being.”
…I was born in Spring Branch Hospital in west Houston, TX.
Here are a few other newsworthy stories from 1983:
Top Billboard Song in June 1983: Flashdance (What a Feeling)
Top Movie in June 1983: Star Wars VI: Return of the Jedi
President in 1983: Ronald Reagan (my mother actually wrote her hatred for this man in my baby book!!
Top News Story of June 1983: On June 18th, 1983 Sally Ride became the first American woman and youngest American (at the time) to enter space.
I am blessed that God has given me another year of life, adventure and ministry!!
Kara Helena Maddox
This past month has kept me extremely busy. I’ve had so much to write about but very little time to actually sit down and write it all out.
A quick update: My Czech friend Lucie arrived in Sacramento last week and is enjoying settling into life here for the summer. My photo exhibition at the restaurant went really well and I already have two more opportunities to install my work next month. I’m turning 26 in 10 days and for some strange reason I’m excited about this birthday!
If you are not already on my Prague ministry email list and would like to be or if you think I don’t have your regular mailing address please send me an email (karamaddox AT yahoo DOT com) in the next week. I have a newsletter going out next weekend with some exciting news about future ministry in Europe!
I’ll try to add photos and more stories later this weekend. Looking forward to being back on here soon and continuing to share what’s going on.
Kara
“Silence is frightening because it strips us as nothing else does, throwing us upon the stark realities of our life.” -Dallas Willard, “The Spirit of the Disciplines”
Solitude is the practice of being absent from other people and other things so that you can be present with God. In solitude, we rest from our attempts to re-create the world in our image. We rest from arranging our relationships and manipulating people with our words. In solitude, we say to God, “I am here to be changed into whatever you like.” In solitude, we learn to “wait on the Lord.”
Silence is the practice of quieting every voice, including your own inner and outer voices. It is written of one of the Desert Fathers, Abbot Agatho, “that for three years he carried a stone in his mouth until he learned to be silent.” A rather extreme measure, but it demonstrates how difficult it is for us to be silent.
Silence is also necessary to free ourselves from our tendency to control. Silence frees us from the tyranny we hold over others with our words. Thomas Merton wrote, “It is not speaking that breaks our silence, but the anxiety to be heard.” When we are silent, it is much more difficult to manipulate and control the people and circumstances around us. Words are the weapons we lay down when we practice silence. We give up our insistence of being heard and obeyed. Silence forces us to surrender to the will of Another.
“more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning”
Lord, I am waiting in silence, longing to hear your voice.
1. Allergies suck. No medicine seems to be working so I am going to try acupuncture this week and see if that helps at all.
2. I’m really into American Idol this season. Not much of a reality show fan, or of TV shows in general, but Kris Allen has had me tuned in, especially after he sang “Falling Slowly” from Once.
3. God is leading me into some cool new opportunities and I am looking forward to what’s ahead.
4. I really hate not having a good camera right now. Trying to see this as a way to practice art in other ways. This week: charcoal.
5. Thinking of all that needs to be done before my Czech friend Luci gets here next month. Praying that its a great experience and a life changing summer!
I’m kind of in a daze. Lately I feel like I’m right at the beginning of something. Something fun, exciting, possibly difficult and a season of growth again. I’m waiting to see how God is going to move in and through this.
I read this article last night and was really encouraged by it:
http://www.crossrhythms.co.uk/articles/lifefiles/Matt_Summerfield/What_Is_God_Doing/22674/p1/
Today, I have little clues as to where God is leading me, and how he’s going to bring it all together. But I am continually reminded that He knows what He’s doing. =)
This week has been confusing, tiring and down right weird at times. And it’s only Wednesday. This song by Tenth Avenue North keeps playing on my iPod. I think I need to stop fighting and see what God can do without me interfering.
Lyrics from By Your Side:
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go
“Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell. Spirituality is for people who have already been there.”
God was someone to be afraid of when I was growing up; someone for whom I had to perform. At the end of the day, His love for me was always in question. That’s what I thought when I was five. That’s what I thought this morning at twenty-five. Even as an adult, more times than I would like to admit, this is still a part of the way that I see and relate with God. And if I am to be completely honest, it has not only shaped me, but have shaped the way I have led in ministry. And yet, God still chooses to use me. Humbling.
We all have those areas of our lives – those dark places that are deeply rooted in us. I would love for them to go away. It reminds me of the parable of the wheat and tares. I would love to go and yank those weeds out of my life. But the words of Jesus to “let them grow together” suggests to me that in some inexplicable way, these weeds are so much entwined with the “wheat” in my life that to pull them out haphazardly would not be a wise thing. In fact, you might pull up the wheat too, if you are not careful. Let them grow together? Jesus, what are You thinking? I thought that Jesus wants to pull those weeds up more than I do. What is going on here?
One of the best phrases I’ve read recently – to describe what happens when you follow Jesus – comes from Shane Claiborne in his book Irresistible Revolution. He simply puts it like this: “Jesus wrecked my life.” (The author goes on to explain that Jesus “wrecked his life” by altering his assumptions and expectations.)
One way that Jesus has wrecked my life is through how I am beginning to see and read the Scriptures. For example, I used to think that mustard seed faith is a faith that wins and conquers in the end. A faith that starts out as the smallest of seeds and then grows into a mighty tree. That somehow, a mustard seed would produce not a mustard bush but a mighty oak or redwood or cedar. Now that would take some faith.
But the fact is that in this parable, a mustard seed produces a mustard bush. And that is what the kingdom of God is like, according to Jesus. I am sorry, but no matter how you cut it, a bush is just that…a bush. I want a mighty faith…a faith that is comparable to a strong, tall, TREE! Not a faith that, on its very best days, is only a bush. There goes Jesus again, wrecking my life. He is messing with my view of my life and how it is supposed to be.
I ask God a few weeks ago to mess up my life. I think He’s taking me seriously…
Okay, so I must apologize. I have promised to discuss my thoughts on many things lately, including faith and politics, book reviews and my journey through Lent and the Artist’s Way and haven’t really followed through on any of them. Honestly, I just haven’t felt like it yet. I have realized that God is wanting me to rest and prepare for the next phase of my life. I feel like some big changes are in the near future for me and I’m taking some time to relax because I have NO idea what God’s going to do! It’s exciting, and a bit scary.
What I do want to briefly (because its almost 2am already!) is share what I’m praying for and hopefully some changes I’ll be making soon.
First, I found that when I arrived back in the states after a year in another culture, I discovered that everything seemed similar yet I didn’t quite fit back into to my previous life. I have changed in so many ways over the last 15 months since leaving Sacramento for Prague! I left my comfort zone and found a new comfort in Prague. Returning to Sac has been fun for the past week but also difficult. Where do I belong? What does God want me to do during this time here? How can I use what I’ve learned for His glory??
The other night I had an unexpected prayer burst out of me:
“Dear God, Please mess up my life. Thanks, Kara”
That was all. A simple yet strange prayer (especially for me). The next day my conversations with God went something like this:
9am- “Okay Lord, I need you to show me how to live in this place again. But God I desire something different. I want more. I want to be around people and in places that make me uncomfortable. I need to experience more than just church, family and all that is easy to surround myself with. Give me opportunities to be bold and scared and desiring to have faith in the sometimes impossible with You. I don’t want to be safe anymore.”
4pm-”So God I’ve been thinking and…I realize I have no job, no income, little savings currently for use, and lots of unexpected opportunities all leading me in different directions. I think I need to step back and think about that prayer I prayed earlier. Yeah, let’s wait and come back to that later.”
11pm- “Never mind. Forgive me. Do as you wish. I need to stop chiming in on your plan.”
Fast forward to this evening (Tuesday). I attended the bible study I was a part of for 5 years before moving to Prague. This group has changed in some ways including different people, yet it felt comfortable coming back. Our discussion tonight however was not comfortable for me. It was all about giving to others and finding how we display/live out our faith in Christ daily. A few people mentioned ideas on ways to give to others, thoughts on unconditional love and how we live everyday as a follower of Christ’s. I had the reoccurring thought that God wants me to be uncomfortable. To do things I normally would not do. To rely on him in new ways. Driving home, I made some goals for the next few months:
1. Every week I am going to do at least one thing that scares me. 2. I am going to spend more time getting to know people that I wouldn’t usually hang out with. People that are different from me and will challenge me. 3. I want to volunteer and share my experiences from Prague and beyond with local youth- to help get them out of their comfort zones as well.
I really pray that God gives me the courage and continued motivation to seek Him and grow deeper in my understanding of my own faith and how that affects my daily life.
So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus.
